Love is one of the most common subjects in books, films, songs and conversations. Most people grow up believing that love is something they will find in another person. They hope that a special person will make them happy, complete their life and protect them from loneliness.
Author Akshay V. Kadu asks readers to think about this idea more deeply. Through his book, Before You Call It Love: Understanding Projection, Emotional Responsibility and Dependency, he asks a simple but important question: Is everything we call love really love?
Akshay is interested in understanding human thoughts, emotions and behaviour. Instead of giving fixed answers, he asks readers to observe their own feelings and relationship patterns. His writing is simple, direct and based on situations that many people experience in everyday life.
Asking Important Questions About Love
Akshay believes that most people never consciously decide what love means to them. They learn about it from their family, society, films, books and the relationships they see around them.
From a young age, people are often told that finding the right person will make their life complete. Films show a hero making great efforts to win someone’s love. Songs describe separation as the end of happiness. Stories often suggest that being chosen by another person proves that we are valuable.
Over time, these ideas become part of our thinking. We begin to believe that love comes from someone else. We may also believe that we must work hard to earn love and that we cannot be truly happy without a partner.
Akshay asks readers to question these beliefs. He wants them to understand the difference between real love and emotional dependence.
Love or Fear of Losing Someone?
One of the main ideas in Akshay’s book is that people often confuse fear with love. When we become strongly attached to someone, their behaviour begins to control our emotions.
For example, we may send a message and become worried if the person does not reply quickly. We check our phone repeatedly and wonder whether we said something wrong. We may think that the person is losing interest or talking to someone else.
A late reply is a small event, but our mind can create a painful story around it. We may become anxious, send more messages or apologise even when we have done nothing wrong. When the person finally replies, we feel calm again.
Akshay explains that this pattern may not be love. It may show that we have made another person responsible for our emotional peace. When their attention makes us happy and their silence makes us unstable, we are depending on them to control our emotions.
Why Being Chosen Feels So Important
Everyone wants to feel loved, valued and important. When someone chooses us, it can make us feel special. Their attention may give us confidence and make us believe that we are worthy.
However, problems begin when being chosen becomes the main source of our self-worth. We start seeing ourselves through the other person’s eyes. Their love becomes proof that we matter.
If the relationship ends, we do not only lose the person. We may also lose the confident version of ourselves that existed in the relationship. Rejection can then make us feel that we were not good enough.
Akshay writes about this experience with understanding. He explains that heartbreak is sometimes connected with a loss of identity. People may miss the person, but they may also miss the feeling of being important in someone else’s life.
His writing encourages readers to ask: Who am I when no one is choosing me? Can I still respect and value myself when another person walks away?
Understanding Projection
Another important idea in Akshay’s writing is projection. Projection happens when we place our own hopes, fears and needs on another person.
We may expect someone to always stay, make us feel secure and remove our loneliness. The person may never have made these promises, but our mind quietly gives them this responsibility.
We stop seeing them as an ordinary human being who can change, struggle or make different choices. Instead, we see them as the person who must protect our happiness.
When they behave differently from what we expected, we may feel betrayed. But Akshay asks whether the person actually betrayed us or simply failed to match the image we created in our mind.
This does not mean that the relationship or emotions were false. The happy moments, care and affection may have been completely real. However, one person cannot carry the full responsibility for another person’s confidence, happiness and peace.
Learning to Stand Alone
Akshay does not tell people to avoid relationships. He does not say that love or emotional support is wrong. Human connection is important, and everyone needs care and companionship.
However, he believes that people must also learn how to remain emotionally steady when they are alone. Standing alone does not mean rejecting others. It means trusting that we can face sadness, anxiety and uncertainty without completely breaking down.
Most people were never taught how to manage their emotions. When they feel worried, they immediately call someone, check their phones or look for a distraction. Silence feels difficult because it forces them to face their thoughts.
Akshay encourages readers to spend time understanding what is happening within them. Instead of immediately running away from discomfort, they can pause and observe it.
This is not an easy process. It takes patience and honesty. But slowly, a person can learn to comfort and support themselves.
The Real Meaning of Self-Love
Today, self-love is often presented through positive statements, social media posts or motivational advice. Akshay offers a deeper meaning.
For him, self-love begins with self-understanding. It means knowing our fears, habits, reactions and emotional needs. It means remaining kind to ourselves when we make mistakes or feel insecure.
Self-love also means not attacking ourselves after rejection. Instead of saying, “I was not good enough,” we can ask why the experience affected us so deeply and what it can teach us.
Akshay believes that another person may awaken love within us, but they are not the complete source of that love. Our ability to care, connect and feel affection already exists inside us.
When we understand this, relationships can become healthier. We can love someone without losing ourselves. We can enjoy their attention without making it the only source of our confidence.
Taking Emotional Responsibility
A strong part of Akshay’s writing is his focus on emotional responsibility. This does not mean blaming ourselves for someone else’s wrong behaviour. It means looking honestly at our own decisions and patterns.
If someone behaved badly, we can accept that they were wrong. At the same time, we can ask why we continued to stay, chase or ignore the warning signs.
These questions are not meant to create guilt. They help us understand ourselves and avoid repeating the same pattern in future relationships.
Akshay explains that emotional pain can give us useful information. Anxiety may show that we are depending too much on someone’s attention. Fear of separation may reveal that we have connected our identity with the relationship.
When we understand this information, we can begin to build a stronger emotional foundation.
A Thoughtful Voice for Modern Readers
Akshay V. Kadu writes for people who want to understand themselves and their relationships better. His work is especially meaningful for young adults, people dealing with heartbreak and readers who notice the same emotional problems repeating in their lives.
His greatest strength is his ability to ask honest questions without judging the reader. He does not give a list of quick solutions. Instead, he offers a mirror and asks readers to notice what it shows.
Through Before You Call It Love, Akshay reminds us that love should not make us completely lose our identity or peace. A healthy relationship should be based on connection, respect and understanding—not fear, control or emotional survival.
His message is clear: Before we call something love, we should understand whether it gives us freedom or makes us dependent. Most importantly, before searching for love in another person, we must learn to understand and value ourselves.